Relationships & Self Discovery

Many years ago, I taught a class at the Brown Learning Community at Brown University. The title was “The Psychology of Marriage and Intimacy.” One of the books used for that class was authored by David Kantor, “My Lover, Myself: Self Discovery Through Relationship.” The other day I ran across my outline for the course and decided to reread his book from 1999. I highly recommend this as an important work about intimacy and relationships.

My entire life has been working with relationships at home or at work. In my role as a spouse, father, son, brother (and on it goes) consultant and therapist I constantly bump into myself as I bump into others perceptions and expectations. Sometimes this "bump" is experienced as bliss, rapture and flow. Other times the bump feels more like "banging your head against the wall." The moment of head banging are less about others and more about my own internal family system of perceptions, judgments and admonitions. When relationships really hurt, I know that my deep shadow "stuff" is at hand. One thing is for certain, relationships are a fertile ground for self-discovery and personal growth.

At dinner parties I sometimes meet folk who ask what I do for a living. The reactions to "psychotherapist" vary, but inevitably I will run into someone who will state in a challenging tone, "I don't believe in therapy!" I smile and gently ask them if they are married or a parent. When they say yes I reply, "You are already in therapy. You just don't know it!"

All significant relationships are a learning laboratory. They will eventually bring to the surface exiled pain from your past hurts (if you are not asleep). But if you allow your relationships to confront your exiled hurts, a deeper healing can occur that isn't likely living in isolation.

Here are some tools for the journey adapted from David Kantor’s “tools and principles for staying on track” and I would add living consciously.


Tools for the Journey

• The pursuit of being right usually results in being alone.



• Learn that it isn’t about being right – it about learning to learn.



• Shift your strategy from attacking to evoking – from changing someone to understanding



• Shift your strategy from placating and stonewalling to engaging and getting curious.



• Shift from judgment to being curious (about yourself and others).



• Avoid blaming – take responsibility for self understanding.



• Seek not the original cause – it can’t be found.



• If it is to be found, it is usually within your own internal family system.

EFT Training Part I

WORKSHOP PROMOTION!





EFT Training Workshop

Feb. 7 on Saturday from 9 am to 1 pm

Cost $95

Location: 873 Waterman St. East Providence, RI

contact Greg Carpenter for registration @
gdcconsulting@comcast.net
or Call #401.265.2951

Learn the Basic Technique and hands on practice with other workshop members.

Also learn about....

• The Discovery Statement


• The Basic Recipe and Setup


• Becoming more specific with problem identification


• Different Aspects that create disturbances


• Borrowing Benefits when tapping as a group


• How to be persistent within the midst of self doubt


• Live Demonstrations of the EFT technique


• Personal EFT: Multiple rounds of practice


• Hands on Practice with workshop participants


• The Basics of becoming an EFT Practitioner

"EFT is the most effective healing method I have used in my psychotherapy practice in over twenty years. This training is for person who are seeking to increase their EFT skills for their personal use and beginning steps on becoming an EFT Practitioner. Scroll down and click on the video link to the right more information about EFT.

Greg C.

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EFT Defined

"Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) is an emotional, needle free version of acupuncture that is based on new discoveries regarding the connection between your body's subtle energies, your emotions, and your health. EFT has been reported successful in thousands of cases covering a huge range of emotional, health and performance issues. It often works where nothing else will"

from EFT founder Gary Craig's Web Site http://www.emofree.com/

Energizing The Journey

I have always been drawn to opportunities that create energy, vitality and connection. "Energizing the Journey" has been a work in process for the past twenty-three years of my professional life (check out my new web site http://energizingthejourney.com). At times in my work, I have experienced compassion fatigue through work, exposure to traumatic stress, and a brain that has it's own issues with winter in New England.

Since my experience working at Ground Zero following 9.11 in NYC, I have spent significant time educating myself around issues related to the brain and stress (traumatic or otherwise). This has resulted in discovering and refining several "power techniques" that provide highly effective and efficient results for stress and mind management.

In my energy "toolbox," Emotional Freedom Technique, Brainwave Music and Power Questions are a few of my favorite mental renewal techniques. These "power techniques" are effective for creating renewal and rebooting the mind, body and spirit.

I hope that during this busy holiday season you will take the time to practice some of your own tried and true methods for renewal. Here is one of my favorites...

Mental Acupressure

Stimulating acupressure points while mentally focusing on a distressing thought or feeling is quite effective for providing relief.

• Tap 7 - 10 times at point located at the beginning of your eye brow EB


• Tap 7 - 10 times on the side of your eye SE


• Tap 7 - 10 times under you eye UE


• Tap 7 - 10 times under your nose UN


• Tap 7 - 10 times under your lower lip UL


• Tap 7 - 10 times with your open palm at your collar bone point (where the neck meets the notch in your collar bone)


• Take deep breath and notice change in focus and thought.


• Enhanced results by naming your distress and saying "this ____ (ex. "holiday stress") at each of the designated points.

These technique is a shortened version of the Emotional Freedom Technique created by Gary Craig. Increases blood flow to the brain, clears mental clutter and interrupts "fight or flight" response. Persistence and continual tapping will provide results.

Wishing you a Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays.

Greg

U Can't Touch This!

MC Hammer's song "U Can't Touch This" isn't about body memory or sensitivity. But the title catches the experiences of many. Several clients have talked about having locations on their bodies that were off limits or extremely sensitive to touch. "The body holds the wisdom" reminds us that touch sensitivities are pointing toward the need for healing. I have found that EFT is a power therapy technique that provides a road map to relief.

When a husband read some of is wife's erotic email to her lover, he developed a touch sensitivity trigger by a specific visual image. After the hard work of repairing the relationship had been accomplished, his touch sensitivity still remained. An affectionate touch on his neck would send bolts of anger and charge through his spine. Even though he had chosen to forgive his wife, his body seemed to be sending a different message. It was still reacting with the same intensity of his first shocking discovery. Utilizing a "Tell The Story" Technique from EFT enabled this client to completely clear out his touch sensitivity. Both partners were grateful. The involuntary nature of his touch issue was painful reminder of the infidelity.

Another person had been living with a touch sensitivity most of her life. Just thinking about someone bumping into this sensitive spot on the middle of her back or being in a crowded commuter car was enough to trigger a SUD's of ten. Just thinking about focusing her mind on someone touching her mid back was enough to trigger a strong stress response (strained voice, facial tension and exasperation).

The Tearless Trauma Technique starts with this least disturbance and moves through to focusing directly on the worst aspect. We don't move to the next scene until each one is collapsed to a level of zero. In this manner, by the time we actually get to her focusing on someone or thing touching her back, her distress response is muted. After 60 minutes of clearing out each aspect that created a "ping," this person was able to completely eliminate her touch sensitivity. Several attempts to provoke hidden aspects fail to produce any touch sensitivities. All this client could say at the end of the session was "Wow!"

Four weeks later she reported that the problem was "gone!" She said, "....it is no longer a issue."

This client had told me that she had done extensive work through traditional talk therapy for her childhood abuse and trauma. Yet, it seemed her back was still clinging to old sensations. Tapping while holding in focus the shifting distress resulted in the removal of her touch sensitivity.

Touch Sensitivities often have "feeder roots" that help to form symptoms. This is why EFT is so effective and rapid with children. They haven't accumulated the intertwined roots of toxic experience and negative beliefs that many adults possess. Some folk have reported being able to clear these symptoms on their own through tapping. Yet, most have found it more effective to have a trained EFT Practitioner lead them through the process. Solid skills, psychological knowledge of trauma work and good intuition can help to get at core aspects that create touch sensitivities and provide lasting relief.